Don’t you wish your girlfriend

by Donna on April 30th, 2006

The pix of the Bachelorette Party are posted on the Viewmaster

What would you stuff me with?

by Donna on April 30th, 2006

So the question on everyone’s mind is most likely, “SO HOW WAS THE BACHELORETTE PARTY?”

I am still recovering!

We didn’t do anything too crazy. I never had any plans on hiring a stripper. Audra’s sister wasn’t so sure, so she pulled me aside and told me that strippers are dirty and we should definitely not hire any. “One of my friend’s friend’s friend went to a Bachlorette Party and there was a stripper there and he picked her up, uh, upside down and her face was really close to his, nevermind, but a couple days later she woke up and her eyes were all swollen and pus-y and she went to the doctor and HE FOUND CRABS IN HER EYELASHES!” I assured her I had no intention of hiring a stripper. So imagine her surprise when we got to our hotel room and the pizza delivery boy arrived… just teasing.

We stayed at the Trump Marina in Atlantic City. As we got ready, I iced a bottle of champagne. When we were all pretty-pretty, I poured the champagne. Lisa and I were so totally prepared! As we drank the champagne, I presented Audra with a little veil, a necklance that had a shot glass attached (that read, I’m tying the knot so buy me a shot), a button that blinked with little lights and read Bride to Be, a wand with a heart attached to the top, and a Miss America sash that also read, Bride to Be. Audra apparently didn’t think we would be so prepared so the outfit she wore that evening consisted of a white skirt and white shirt. She wanted to make sure everyone knew she was the bride!

We walked down to the Nightclub located in the Trump Marina but it was completely empty. We asked around and people told us to take a cab to the Tropicanna and go to their “Quarters” section. The cab ride was about 10.00. Quarters was much more happening. We went to Red Square. It wasn’t as nice as the one at Mandalay Bay in Vegas but it was okay. We ordered the Red Square martini and I laughed thinking how Lenin would be turning over in his grave knowing about this bar. Once we finished our drinks, Erin and Lisa disappeared to gamble and smoke leaving Audra and me to our own devices.

Audra and I found a bar with live music that wasn’t terribly crowded. The band playing was The Albino Red Blues Band. They were great! We immediately began to dance and we didn’t stop dancing even after Lisa and Erin found us. Finally, Erin and Lisa dragged us to an Irish pub. On a side note, the guitarist gave me his room number and asked me to party with him. I told this to Audra and she asked me what party meant. I told her I thought it was code for s - e - x. Audra said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you did go to his room and you found him wearing a party cone hat, holding a noisemaker and throwing confetti?” She almost had me convinced that I had to go to his room if only to find out what he meant by party but I decided against it despite my curiosity.

After the Ri Ra’s or however it is spelled we went back to the Trump Marina to the Wave Nightclub. There weren’t many people there but we danced anyway. At about 4 am the song, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me” came on and Audra and I started mock arguing about which one of us was the better dancer. Lisa stated only a dance off could solve this dilemma. Therefore Audra and I began to shake it. I am not sure which one of us won but we both decided it was time to go to sleep. Arm in arm, Audra and I went back to the room. Lisa and Erin stayed behind. They were in the room when we woke up a few hours later but I don’t know how much later they stayed out.

The next morning we somehow peeled ourselves out of the hotel beds and found our way to a breakfast buffet. Audra continued to wear her Bride to Be sash as she picked out eggs and waffles. After, we checked out, we took a long walk on the boardwalk. The sun was warm but the breeze was a little too cool. We stopped and bought salt water taffy at Fralinger’s and by 2:00 or so we were in the car heading home.

So that was Audra’s last hurrah. If we are lucky it won’t end on Saturday. Lisa says Audra will walk around all week waving like Miss America and wearing the Bride to Be sash and veil. I hope so, it’s nice to know the two dollars spent on them will have been wisely invested!

Repeat

by Donna on April 30th, 2006

As an FYI, today’s Elvis and Friends radio show is a repeat. He’s spotlighting demo tapes. Hmmmm, didn’t I mention him spotlighting demo tapes back on May 1, 2005? Yes, I did.

Dreams of Rockin’ Ron

by Donna on April 30th, 2006

I fell asleep early last night. I awoke at 7 to turn on Rockin’ Ron Cade’s Elvis and Friend’s radio show. I fell back to sleep and had kooky ass dreams about Rockin’ Ron. I was in my bedroom but it looked different. The walls were painted red and the floor was black and shiny. I noticed items astray and I opened the door to my walk in closet. Sitting at a little desk was Rockin’ Ron Cade! He and his assistant were broadcasting Elvis and Friends from my closet! I introduced myself to Rockin’ Ron but he wouldn’t answer me. I then realized that during songs and commercials he saves his voice! I tried to talk to his assistant but he too refused to speak even though he doesn’t speak on the show. I suppose Rockin’ Ron was upset that I found him so his assistant escorted me outside. There was a picnic table set up and my mom and all her friends were sitting out there eating from huge plates heaping with asparagus. “Who’s your new friend?” they asked me. I didn’t know his name. “What is your name?” I asked Rockin’ Ron’s assistant. He whispered in my ear, “Raymond.” I suddenly found myself attracted to Raymond. He looked like a grown up Alasdair Gillis from You Can’t Do That On Television. I also loved the fact that he didn’t talk. Not only is he an Elvis lover, he can’t yell or scream or lie or piss me off with his words! Here is the perfect man! Just then, Raymond stole some asparagus from my mom’s plate. What!? I grabbed Raymond by the arm and I said, “Look buddy, there’s plenty of asparagus to go around, you don’t have to steal asparagus from my mom’s plate!” I then awoke.

If I were a twinkie,

by Donna on April 28th, 2006

Tonight is Audra’s Bachelorette Party. We are taking off around 3:00 to Altantic City. We should have a very nice time. I think I am going to wear my hot pink dress that I bought at Express a couple years ago and hardly ever wear. I think it’s still in style.

Chavez flakes

by Donna on April 28th, 2006

Last night I went to Big Lotts. On a shelf in the food aisle I saw a box of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. On the box was the image of Hugo Chávez! I couldn’t believe it! I grabbed the box and looked closer. Only then did I realize it wasn’t Hugo Chavez but Cesar Chavez.

What I find impressive is someone is selling the box on eBay with a Buy It Now price of 7.99.

Tired

by Donna on April 27th, 2006

I am tired. Tired, tired, tired. Tired.

Tired.

Tired.

dervish

by Donna on April 27th, 2006

I am back from the seminar. It went well. I wish I was a little more prepared for my introduction but I think I would say that no matter how much I had prepared. I am so tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. My bedroom was cold and my teeth chattered. It took me forever to realize that I could get up and throw an extra blanket on my bed. Of course, by that time, I only had about 1 hour left of sleep. When my alarm went off, I awoke to painful gums. How strange is that? My gums hurt. I wanted to take an aspirin but there wasn’t any food in the house and I was scared to take aspirin on an empty stomach so I abstained. Eventually the pain went away. Now I am trying to get myself back to work. There is paperwork I could do to fill the time. I just feel utterly distracted and tired and ambivalent.

Tomorrow Audra and her sister are meeting Lisa and I at the donnavilla. Together we are traveling to Atlantic City for Audra’s Bachelorette Party. We have a room by the bay, not the boardwalk. It should be fun.

I really need to pick up our gowns from the tailor. They’ve been sitting there a full week and I have this horrible fear the man is going to tell me he threw them away because we were late in picking them up. Yeah, that’s all I need to happen.

TODOS

by Donna on April 26th, 2006

If I can just get the last bits finished, then I can stare at the wall or computer screen or television without guilt. The garbage is at the curb and Joe and Judy’s mail has been retrieved. The pantyhose I required have been acquired. The last things that need accomplishment are a quick tidying of my bedroom and bathroom, laundry needs folding and I MUST memorize the introduction.

I also have to lighten up. It is okay to lose control. It is okay to leave behind what is known and comfortable. I MUST BE MORE OPEN.

Stuff and Garbage

by Donna on April 26th, 2006

Tomorrow I have a seminar. I am expected to do the introduction and then the tech people take over. I am looking forward to it mainly because I get to wear my new wrap dress from Macy’s!

–Buy pantyhose
–Memorize introduction

Gosh I am hungry! Must eat.